Two Trues and One False

I love my job

I am happy

I don't think about you anymore

The Starting Over House

This post was written over two years ago, not exactly sure why I never posted it....  A lot has happened since then.  Not sure if you can to catch up, but I've been thinking that it might be worth starting this bloggy thing up again.

So, without further ado--

Oh, how I've kept you waiting. I do apologize, but you see, The Chaos has taken over my life. What is The Chaos you ask? That would be buying a house and then gutting the poor sweet little thing and trying to live in it with your two cats. So not a good idea.

I can only scratch the surface of all that I have learned from this experience. Starting with the fact that I'm made of tougher stuff than I ever thought possible, and finishing with I have the best family in all the world.

I bet you're more interested in seeing the progress. Hey, remember that hole-in-the-floor-through-which-I-can-see-dirt? Not anymore.

How amazing is that?! Turns out, the pipes had actually rusted and broken. If we hadn't decided to move that kitchen wall, I hate to think what would have eventually happend. Or how much it would have eventually cost.

Stay Young, Go Dancing

That's not really the subject of this post, it's just the name of that Death Cab for Cutie song that has been circling my brain for the last 24 hours. I was going to title this post something powerful and In Your Face(!)--something like, "I'm Back, B*tches!" But I never really left. I just wasn't keeping the internets in the communication loop of my life.

But I digress.... You are all familiar with that show, "How I Met Your Mother," yes? Well something happened recently, and I feel in 17-or-so years I'll be cozy-ed up in front of a warm fire with my kids in our Up North Log Cabin during the December Holiday and say, "Hey kids, did I ever tell you about the time I almost lit myself on fire in front of your father?"

So this is what happened.....fade out....Bah Bah Bah Bah Bah Bah da Bah da Bah da da da dada dada dada daaa….

Setting the stage-Bad day at work, really Bad Day, and I'm totally stressed. Like crazy Harpy-hair stressed. I notice in the nearly empty parking lot that my office crush is still at the office, working late like me. Which he never does. I feel like the Universe is sending me a neon-flashing, wacky-inflatable-balloon-waving-guy, airplane-banner-in-the-sky opportunity--TALK TO THIS GUY ALREADY!!!!11!!!!1!! So I get my conversation opener ready and walk to his cube.

A little logistical info you might need--he sits in a different room, in a cube facing away from the entrance. The cube walls are low enough that you can see if somebody is sitting at a desk. I set the scene because this is what I was expecting, to be able to peek through the doorway and see if he was sitting at his desk. Then I could compose myself and ask if I could bum a smoke, and would he join me?

That was the plan. The imaginary plan I cooked up sitting at my desk. The reality was, when I peeked through the doorway to see if he was sitting at his desk-- he saw me. Because he was Sitting On His Desk. Now I'm thinking, 'Sh*t, he saw me, kinda committed now.' So I pull the rest of my body through the doorway and walk to his cube. What I couldn't see, and didn't process, was that he was sitting ON his desk because he was TALKING TO HIS SUPERVISOR. At this point my head essplodes, and I am dead.

Not really, but I might as well have been, because my autonomic nervous system stepped up and was in control of what happened next. My brilliant ultra-cool sultry 'can I bum a smoke?' morphed into "You're a smoker, right?" Yeah awesome, no? And then his supervisor starts chuckling. Not laughing, not even a snigger so much, but a creepy ‘hehehe.’ Yeah, guy, I know you know what’s going on right now, but you don’t have to add a creepy chuckle.

He says "Um...yeah," like in a 'hmm, am I going to get in trouble for being a smoker?' kind of way. So I follow up with, "I've had a really stressful day, and I quit, haven’t had a smoke in three months, but I really need a cig right now," accompanied by begging hands clasped motions. At which point he visibly relaxes, and pulls out a box of Reds with a smile on his face. Fight or Flight? Fight or Flight, b*tches?! It was Flight. Stumbling, barely functioning, going to die of embarrassment (even though I'm already essploded)--Flight.

But Wait—There’s More!

I run back to my desk, throw stuff in the drawers, scoop up the rest, and book it to my car, because I am so mortified. Arms loaded (notebook, travel mug, business cards, purse, gym bag, and newly acquired cig—just setting the scene here people), I finally fumble my car’s back door open to dump my sh*t, when I hear—“You need a light?”

And here’s the visual—I am a**-end out the back seat of my hatchback, flustered, with Harpy-hair. And did I mention its 99 degrees Fahrenheit outside?

Yeeaaaahhh

I drop most everything, and nearly hit my head on the door frame as I jerk to a standing position. Surprise! It’s thoughtful Office Crush. He has his lighter out and ready. Because he’s the kinda guy that holds doors open. He’s the kinda guy who even waits for you at said door if you pull up to the parking lot 60 seconds after he does. He’s the kinda guy who remembers stuff you tell him, because he actually listens to what you are saying. And he’s the kinda guy who when a dame asks for a cig, makes sure said dame has a way to light said cig. I guess you’d call that “Old-fashioned.”

And I guess you’d call me a “spaz,” ‘cause I’m all, “Uh, yeah, didn’t think that far ahead. Thanks.”

Now remember when I listed all of the items I carried out of the building? Remember how I mentioned I had business cards? Weeeellll, I happened to be clutching them in the same hand I was holding the cig. And neglected to drop them in my back seat when I was startled. And was still actually clutching them as I attempted to light my newly acquired cig.

Flick. Flick. “Wait…..I’m going to light myself on fire.”

Yup—said that out loud. At least he laughed. And not at me, more like I’d made a funny joke. Which made me all warm and fuzzy inside. Did I mention it was 99 degrees FAHRENHEIT?

That’s pretty much the end of the story, cause I either blackout from heat exhaustion or my head essploded. Again.

…Life is sweet, in the belly of the beast…

I'm Not Dead

So.....yeah.....

It's been a while. Sorry for that. My life has settled into a pattern of chaos. Most of which is very personal and involves family and friends, which I said I would never post about here. Because this blog is about me. What I will say is, this year has been treating me pretty well, ups and downs and all that, but on the whole I'd say it's been a good year.

Whatever has been taken away from me has been replaced with something even better. I had to move out of my rental, only to buy a new house (which I OWN, and is MINE all MINE). I was in a car accident, which totalled my almost-paid-off car, but I was able to buy a brand-new-so-amazing car. I still have a job. Two, in fact. Which I'm grateful for.

The one thing that is bothering me is I feel as if some one in my life has recently mis-represented themself. I feel like I have been lied to, and I have a hard time with this. So, Universe, I'm waiting for you to make this one right, too. Either bring some one even more fabulous into my life, or help this person have the courage to be honest with themself, and be able to talk to me honestly about what they did.

The House Becomes A Home

As the dust begins to settle, you can see the amazing work my dad and brother did on my house. Here is just a taste.

This was taken with my cell phone, I promise more pictures when I find my camera in the chaos that is the rest of the house.

This Is Going To Get Interesting

I turned the corner to adulthood. I drank the kool-aid. I bought a house.....

....And This is what I came home to:

That is the floor of my laundry room. Well, it was the floor of my laundry room.

The house is good, but with some help, it can be great. Really, really great. So great that I'll never have to move again ever.

Let's let that sink in shall we; I. Will. Never. Have. To. Move. Again. (unless I want to) Also, I don't have a landlord. I have a Mortgage. Which, believe it or not, is actually sooooo much better.

But back to the hole in the floor. The-hole-in-the-floor-through-which-I-can-see-dirt.

It is the start of something Awesome.

Lay Your Burdens Down

I have a hard time looking back on this year. If you're really interested, look to the right side of this blog and click the little arrow next to 2009. Whoosh, there it is in all its shit-soaked glory.

Please, do me a little favor and click it back before I loose the ability to breathe. Whew, OK. Back to gettin' on with the repressin'....

A friend of mine requested that I put together a Best Albums of the year list, as I've usually got a good sense of what the kids listen to these days. I couldn't do it. Yet ANOTHER problem with '09. It lacked a soundtrack.

But you know what, I'm actually kind of happy about it. Because it turns out to be a somewhat happy accident, as this year will be even easier to forget about, as it doesn't have an accompanying soundtrack.

So, never will I be sitting in traffic with my iPod on shuffle when that song comes on that reminds me of when my heart was ripped out of my chest, burned countless times with cigarette butts, cut to a million pieces, and the pieces flung to the four winds. Because there wasn't a song for that.

Not a single measure or beat will remind me of the countless phone calls that I received from my Landlord (culminating with the threat of eviction. Yes, EVICTION.), asking if I'd found a new roommate yet.

And for all of those deluded people (those people who live their own version of "human") who managed to worm their way into my life; Well, worms don't really make any sound at all, no hint of a song, so you will be soon forgotten as well. (Ha! See what I did there? I was loosing you for a minute, then I brought it back....sort of.)

But I'll tell you what I will remember; Making Pickle laugh. Buckie's total inability to sit completely still, and how damn cute it is. Finding Aunty Spinster's Home for the Wayward, and working to make it a reality (through the astounding commitment of my immediate family).

All the rest of that stuff...I'm leaving it all back in good ol' 2009.