I'm Not Dead

So.....yeah.....

It's been a while. Sorry for that. My life has settled into a pattern of chaos. Most of which is very personal and involves family and friends, which I said I would never post about here. Because this blog is about me. What I will say is, this year has been treating me pretty well, ups and downs and all that, but on the whole I'd say it's been a good year.

Whatever has been taken away from me has been replaced with something even better. I had to move out of my rental, only to buy a new house (which I OWN, and is MINE all MINE). I was in a car accident, which totalled my almost-paid-off car, but I was able to buy a brand-new-so-amazing car. I still have a job. Two, in fact. Which I'm grateful for.

The one thing that is bothering me is I feel as if some one in my life has recently mis-represented themself. I feel like I have been lied to, and I have a hard time with this. So, Universe, I'm waiting for you to make this one right, too. Either bring some one even more fabulous into my life, or help this person have the courage to be honest with themself, and be able to talk to me honestly about what they did.

Aunty Spinster's Home For The Wayward, Part 1

I'm working on a new project. It's a sweater. But that's not the part that's important. What is important is that I'm at something of a crossroads. I guess you could say this all started one very normal-seeming night on August 3oth.

My roommate was getting home from a three-day trip to Colorado, during which he lost his keys. As it was 2 am he didn't want to wake me to unlock the door for him, and instead decided to break into the house through the kitchen window. Yeah, guess what? Noise coming from the kitchen at 2 am, when I knew I was the only one home? Totally woke me up. Anywho, after I called out and he announced his presence, I feel right back to sleep. Then it was morning and I got up to feed the cats.

Only Booger didn't come running to the sound of food tinkling into the food dish. Which I thought was a bit odd. But as my roommate's new girlfriend had slept over, I thought Booger was just weirded out by the strange person in the house. It was only after the two of them left for the day, and Booger still hadn't shown up, that I realized something was Terribly Wrong.

I'll just fast-forward a bit here, as it basically involves me Losing My Shit. And by that I mean freaking out, walking the neighborhood in my pajamas knocking on neighbors doors without a bra on, and then standing in middle of my living room crying and leaving repeated messages on peoples' cell phones (people I KNEW were at work, but at the time it made no difference).

I did manage to go to work, but I begged and threatened to go home early. Seeing as I was totally irrational and barely functioning, they let me. So I pull into my driveway, and see that the bowl of food I had left outside had not been touched. At all. And the tiny little scrap of control that I actually managed to hold onto all day was just gone.

There I am, standing in my driveway at 10 o'clock at night (hmmm, sound familiar ?), crying, and I say out loud, "You're never coming back, are you?"

And then...

...I hear...

a "mrwow"

That's what Booger says, "mrwow." Not "meow." Not anything close, just "mrwow"

ZOMFG! He had actually come home! And he came slinking out to me, and was all, "Sweet Baby Je'asus, Woman! Where in the He'all have you been!?" Get me back in that house!" Yes...just like that, in a Southern Accent.

And all was right in my world again.....At least until my roommate came home and told me he was moving out 6 months shy of the expiration of our lease.

To be Continued...

The Blog That Time Forgot

Wow. Sometimes Life happens to ya, and it smacks ya right on your ass.

I got tagged.

Booger went missing. Booger came home!

My roommate is moving out.

Spent some time with Buckie, saw his first smiles.

Had first Auntie-and-Pickle Day.

New roommate moving in. After I clean the house top to bottom to remove all traces of the former (douche-bag) roommate.

And the Spiders! Oh God, THE SPIDERS!

All this and more to come....

Fashionable Fabulousness

Soon I will have an address that confirms my Fabulousness. Or maybe just a valid excuse for my eccentricities, as this neighborhood is home to some of the zaniest and nicest people in Metro Detroit. I shall very soon be signing a lease on a new place.

This place, I have been assured, has no major spider problem. It also has no creepy basement with monsters. It does have a creepy attic, but as access is through the ceiling I'll just never look up and pretend it's not there. It also has a lime green kitchen. Who could ask for anything more?

As My Life Flashed Before My Eyes....

Last night I was talking on my cell as I got out of my car, which I had parked in my driveway, and I nearly died. OK, fine. That might be a little dramatic, but I could have injured SOMETHING.

I slipped on a patch of ice wearing heels. I told the person I was talking to, "just to let you know, I almost died right then." Their reply, "Huh." Which I took to be 'Huh, wow your delivery was pretty calm, I don't know if I can take that seriously.'

And that could be the end of my little story, but of course, it is not. I slipped on the same effin spot this morning. Only I wasn't talking to anybody at the time, so now I feel the need to tell the story to the whole Internets. I think I pulled my core. (As opposed to two weeks ago when I BROKE my core while shoveling my driveway.) This slip was a bigger slip than last night, I think I might have exclaimed. Something along the lines of, "AIiiIkkgGkkkhhh...unhh"

I just picture my reclusive neighbor watching me out the window (as I imagine she often does, I'm fairly entertaining in my klutzy-ness), and giggling between puffs on her Virgina Slims. And I thought in that moment, please don't let me go out like this.

And the little incident sort of solidified what I've been thinking about lately. That is, I need to move. My lease is up at the end of March, and I just didn't want to think about moving again. Ever. In fact, I remember very clearly, stating as I moved the last box into the house nearly a year ago, "I AM NEVER MOVING AGAIN."

But with all the Spiders, the insanely expensive heating bill I got last month, and now the latest of being nearly brained by the driveway...I think maybe it's time this house and I parted ways. For my own continued existence.....

What The Crap! 2009 Edition

In homage to my Bro--What The Crap?!

What the Crap, '09!?? Can't I get just a little free time? Just a little? Please? We are going on Day 7 of the New Year, and I haven't actually had a day off yet. I won't have a day off until this Saturday. That is TEN DAYS IN A ROW of working and/or work-related-type obligations.

I've been a moody, emotional mess, who has said "I want to punch ____ in the Face!" at least once a day for the last week. And I don't sleep very much.

On the plus side, I've started knitting again. I'm bringin' Crafty back! I'm getting my knitting house in order! I'm going to make my yarn work for me!

That was a lot of exclamations.....serious bidness. Or serious crazy....ha ha....

Lone Wolf? Um, Not So Much...

For almost One Whole Month, I lived alone. It was not as much fun as I thought it would be. I thought it would be loads of giggles to walk around naked, watch whatever I wanted on TV, stay up late and sleep in without anything to wake me.

The reality is, I was too paranoid people would try to look in thru closed blinds to walk around naked. I didn't have cable to watch whatever I wanted, and was pretty bored with the movies I owned. And the absolute quiet started to wear on my nerves.

But all is now right in the Universe, because a few days ago my new roommate moved in! Now, I have a roommate with STYLE--crazy, hip, British style. And a whole new collection of DVDs. She has so much style, I feel like I need to update my wardrobe just to be able to live in my own home. Yay, shopping!

She's ok with my cats. Actually, it's a near perfect situation--she brushes them, makes sure they have food, and generally keeps them company during the day. And then shuts them out of her room so they have no choice but to snuggle up with me at night. I'm not sure how long this is going to last, because the new roommate has her sights set on getting a dog. I'm all for this, and actually looking forward to having a dog again. But I'm not sure how the cats will handle having competition for the Brit's affections.
Here are a few Reasons I Should Not Live Alone:
A roommate would not allow me to eat corndogs and chocolate martinis for dinner.
I have a hard time justifying leaving the house.
Left on my own, I have a hard time showering on a regular basis.
Strange house noises with a roommate = strange house noises; Strange house noises alone = monsters in the basement trying to get me.

Oh No, 3-Oh!

I was sitting sideways on my couch, with my legs stretched out in front of me and crossed at the ankle. I had just done a self pedi and was looking at my cute toes (I swear, I’m not into feet, I just have some cute little piggies!), when I noticed something a little off.

Namely, my calves. They have cellulite. I didn’t even realize this was possible. And no, I will not be posting a picture.

Now, I'm a shapely lass, but I do have my attributes (ahem, meet The Girls). I gained the obligatory college weight, which I've managed to lose. Yay, Me! I don’t make noise when I wear cords anymore (I have this really sweet pair of pink ones, totally cool!).

Then I looked at my cords, and the reason they don’t make noise anymore is because the friction of my thighs has rubbed off the ridges. So. Not. Cool.

So OK, I'll just take the advice of a friend. Her motto is "Better Living Through Chemistry!" But then I find this article:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121909632709750943.html?mod=rss_Health

This was when I realize--F***! I’ve got to turn off the Alias and get my fatty calves off the couch! Because if the Wall Street Journal says cellulite creams don't work, then they probably don't work. And because I'm going to be 30 in a couple a months, and I AM NOT going to have cellulite calves in my 30's! (Just a note--This is as close to crisis as I will get about turning 30. I think 30 is going to totally rock!)

The funny thing is, the only thing that could distract me from this personal horror was watching a totally gory movie where people get eaten by cave-creatures! I think I would prefer being attacked by cave-creatures to working out.

The Pressure Is Too Much For Me

So, my sister-in-law just went in to labor. Like, as I'm typing she's getting her epidural.

She went to the doc early this morning, and everybody thought it was (another) false alarm. But they sent her to the hospital and started monitoring her. I thought she'd be home by this afternoon, but I was wrong. My nephew and godson (that we've been calling Baby Pickle) is on his way, 18 days early.

When my Bro called with a status update and said this was it, I totally panicked! I'm all like, "Ok, where do I need to be? What do I need to do? Should I bring anything?" And my Bro, totally cool, 'cause he can deal with high pressure situations being a cop and all, laughed at me.

And I'm all like, "Dude this is serious! I'm the Godmother! Where do I need to be?!"

My Bro's reply-"I'll call you when it's closer. She's doing great, everything's fine."

And then I realized (and not for the first time) that I am NO GOOD at high-pressure situations. My Bro just got off a 12-hour shift, came home to a wife in labor, drove her to the doctor's, and he's totally calm. He's going to be a New Father, and I'm freakin about being the godmother. Now I know why they pick 2 godparents.

Be bwave, widdoe wabbit

I checked my horoscope on MSN astrology today, and this is part of it:
Your Careerscope - Today, June 27, 2008
Fear is upon you. Perhaps you fear change. Perhaps you fear stagnation. Perhaps you fear letting go of a job that no longer serves you. Don't be afraid! Have confidence that the universe supports you and will take care of you at all times.

Great, “fear is upon you.” Dun, dun, dun… No, really, that doesn’t sound too bad at all, I mean as far as horoscopes go, right? I mean, change happens every day, right? And, the tone isn’t, ya know, too ominous, right? Right!?

But Yay! At least the universe supports me.

Seriously, it really is time for a change. In fact I haven’t really posted much this week because I spent the better part of the last few days secured in my house with blankies, kitties and ice cream. I thought I was suffering from stress headaches or a migraine, but my Sweetness thinks I was depressed. Like in those “depression hurts” commercials--that kind of depressed. I’m still not entirely convinced, but the truth is—something’s gotta give. I work way too much, and I try to pack as much into my free time as possible. My body is revolting (tehe--Come on, Monty Python anyone?).
Change is a’ comin’. Big, fat, unavoidable change. I feel it in me bones, and let me tell you—I’m a’ skeered.