Letter To A Bitch (Please forgive the snark, I'm a little pissed off)

Dearest Former Land"Lady,"

I understand that the house I have lived in for the past year was the first home you ever owned, and that you loved it dearly. The fact of the matter is that you, out of whatever circumstances (you civil-unioned your longtime partner on a cruise off the coast of Canada, and the both of you decided to call her house "home"), decided to rent it out.

My roommate and I took care of your house. We had no wild and crazy parties in your house. We put up with a very scary spider infestation, and dealt with the lingering smell of your three large dogs. Not to mention the neighbor's delinquent son I once caught punching his own house.

So when you tell me that my two small cats caused $600 worth of damage, please forgive my disbelief. I understand that you are not a "cat person" (which if you REALLY think about it, is not a tiny bit ironic). And rather than call and have me remedy this situation a week ago (as technically today is the last day of the lease, so a week ago the house was still my residence), you decided to bring in a company (I'll assume it was the company your friend owns) to "fix" this "problem."

Also, it was very gracious of you NOT to charge us for the damage caused by the Ice and the Snow. I apologize for not informing you of the damage as it was being inflicted. To be unaware of the weight of the Ice and Snow warping the paving stones is Unforgivable.

I could go on, but really, I'm just not a nit-picky kind of person, as you can totally relate. I hope your next tenants truly reflect the Renter demographic of my former City of Residence.

Good Riddance,
Toots

My Life Is A Country Song

The first three days of this week have been as near to disastrous as one can have in my fairly sheltered, I-got-Peeps-lookin-out-for-me world. Don't quite understand what I'm getting at? Here are a few examples.

Sunday I expected to actually have the house to myself for the evening, so that I could clean and unpack. But for the first time in a week my roommate was home the same time as I was. And I didn't get to unpack in solitude. And we actually had a conversation. And actually got to know each other a little better. Yeah, what a downer, right?

Then last night I wasn't planning on going to The Babe's house, as I had worked all day. But when I talked to him after work, he said he was tired too, and that maybe we should both just stay at our respective houses. And even though I didn't want to go to his house, even though I wanted to stay with my Kitties--him saying 'don't come over,' just turned me into this bratty little five year old and all I wanted to do was go to my friend's house and why couldn't I just come over? Most of the time, we stay up so late talking that we're both exhausted. And yes, I actually do mean talking. So, bummer, I actually got some sleep last night, woke up well-rested and was early for my meeting the next day.

Which brings us to this morning, wherein the ATM machine ate my card. Cause it was all gnarly and bent. So I got on my cell phone and called my credit union, told them my sob story about the mean ol' ATM, and they are working on fixing this monumental obstacle that is in the path of my life's journey. (Little too much?) Boo-hoo me, now I have to actually pay cash for things, and I might even save a bit on gas.

As my Sis says, there's rarely a shortage of drama in my life. Cause Sweet Baby Jesus knows, I can make even a trip to the cash machine a major event.

Please Hold While...I Punch You In The Neck

Just called to switch over some utility service for the new house, and spent a good 10 minutes being MIS-directed by the automated menus. Yeah, fine whatever, you're switching to "something" that will eventually make "something" better. Whatever. Right now, I just want to drive down to Indiana and punch you in the neck.

Also, once I give up trying to navigate said menus and request to speak to a Person (who turned out to be very Pleasant and Helpful), please do not require this very nice and competent person to direct me, yet again, to another "helpful" service menu. One, I might add, that is the new, "more convenient" kind that makes you speak out your selections. Now everyone in my office thinks I'm some kind of nutter that shouts out random words for no apparent reason. This just wiped away previous gratitude I had for the operator.

Hmmm, the protein smoothie I had for lunch may have had a dash of rage in it.

Baby Mama Drama

Yesterday my new roommate and I were at the house, at the same time, for more than 5 minutes. Which means I actually talked to the guy. Turns out that boy has some serious Drama going on. Involving a Baby Mama. A situation that is way too convoluted, and personal to him, for me to write about here. (Meet me for coffee and I'll tell ya the whole thing) (Just kidding) (......Maybe)

So I woke up this morning thinking that I may have actually used the term "Baby Mama drama" during a phone conversation with Rampcommander. But just moments ago I received an email from The Brit, and I so totally feel better. I'll just quote it directly:

"What are you up to this week? anything exciting? I think we should totally hit downtown Ferndale this weekend, make our mark on your new hood (lol can you believe an english girl just used the word hood? crazy)"

No, no I cannot believe you just used the word "hood." Oh, and your gratuitous use of "lol" excuses my gratuitous use of the word "Peeps."

Today Must Be Youtube Thursday

One more thing, The Brit sent me this through Facebook. Ah, those Brits.... They sure do have a lot of time on their hands.

I Would Say I'm a Jemainiac

This is the next thing from Jemaine of Flight of the Conchords. I love it. It's a spoof of a Sci Fi writer, and it's just brilliant.

"Let me irrigate your barren earth with fresh cream."



I'm counting the days till I get to see them live and in person!

Oh. My. Jesus.

I was speechless after I watched this. Absolutely gobsmacked. This is what Real Live Magic feels like.

Watch it, and I promise you, you will get an amazing piece of Happy back in your heart.