The Blog That Time Forgot

Wow. Sometimes Life happens to ya, and it smacks ya right on your ass.

I got tagged.

Booger went missing. Booger came home!

My roommate is moving out.

Spent some time with Buckie, saw his first smiles.

Had first Auntie-and-Pickle Day.

New roommate moving in. After I clean the house top to bottom to remove all traces of the former (douche-bag) roommate.

And the Spiders! Oh God, THE SPIDERS!

All this and more to come....

Louie The Mighty

Last night there was yet another spider in my room. This was a fortunate spider, he was out of my reach to smoosh. I was a little bit freaked out to go to sleep knowing that it was lurking on my ceiling. Just out of reach, waiting for me to go to sleep so that it could walk all over parts of my uncovered body. When I began to imagine him doing some eight-legged version of Fosse, I realized I might never get to sleep. Then I saw LulaBelle out of the corner of my eye.

She was perfectly still, and I knew she had spotted the vermin. She scaled a stack of boxes, and stood up on her hind legs reaching as far as she could, and she SMACKED that arachnid! My little defender!

My New Motto

Browsing Snorg Tees, I found this gem. I think I need this shirt. I think I need this on letterhead.

The Infestation, Year 2

Can you call two spiders an Infestation? Hell yes.

I found the second spider of the season in the new house the other morning. It was a different variety than the first. Which I found about two weeks ago in the cats' food dish. That one was an outdoor variety, something lime green with a white belly. And it makes some sense, as the cat dish is directly under the kitchen window. Which had been open the night before I found the creature. So I'm betting that's when he crawled in.

This new one was very small and mottled brown. And super fast. Too quick to smoosh. Not sure what exact variety it was, but give me a little time and I'm sure I'll have a name for this one as well. Out of necessity, I'm starting to become an expert on spiders.

Then, earlier this week I was at the Dreamboat's house and there was a spider on the underside of the toilet bowl. It must be that I'm developing some kind of "spider sense," because I NEVER look UNDER the toilet bowl. But it was there, and I saw it, and it was late, and I was tired....

...And I screamed.

I'm normally not a screamer, but it was a Big One. And the cutest thing was, the Dreamboat, he totally come running to make sure I was OK. Even in his weakened and nearly broken state, he smooshed and flushed the spider.

He is now the Official Spider Smoosher. He's on my speed dial.

The Spiders, They Know Where I Work!

Yeah, this is a picture of the bathroom at my office. But, if you look very closely, right under the flash reflection in the corner, you'll see it. That little spot right in the corner. See it now? Here--let me help--










There it is--Yet another spider. I have a sneaky suspicion this one is on a recon mission. Sent to gather info on me. I'm more than a little creeped out that this little bugger was mere inches from my booty.

I shall be using the bathrooms on another floor from now on.

The Infestation, Yet Another Update

Last night I captured two monster big Yellow Sac spiders.

Add to that the couple I found on Sunday, and those captured on Friday and Wednesday of last week....Let's just say, I'm not keeping a spider count anymore because I'd never be able to sleep for fear they were crawling all over my body. Uggghhh.

On the bright side, thanks to The Brit, we have a mechanical contraption to humainly catch the spiders (that is, before flushing them down the toilet!). Viola! It is called the Spider Relocator


Dear, dear, Readers--I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you all for your support during this difficult time. The spiders surely cannot win now that I have the Spider Relocator in my arsonal! I know those who read this blog always, at all times, have my best interests at heart.

The Infestation, Another Update

Fall is nearly upon us. The weather is wonderful--chilly at night and perfect with a hint of rain during the day. Spider weather, Dhun, Dhun, Dhun!

I came home from work the other night to find my animal kingdom nemesis, the dreaded Yellow Sac, hanging out on the ceiling in the living room.

And I spent the next 10 minutes flinging shoes at the ceiling in an attempt to smush the bastard. Now, in my agitated state, it really did take 10 minutes for me to realize that my aim is shit, and it might be difficult to explain shoe prints on the ceiling to my OCD landlady. At which point I devised a plan which involved a broom. Simple, yet effective!

I am suspicious he might have been the first wave. I am hoping for an early and spider-crippling frost to avert the impending crisis.

The Infestation, an Update

I had sent an email to a friend explaining the spider situation I was having at my new house. I've included an excerpt, as it is much easier to cut and paste than to re-type. I thought things had managed to settle down, as I hadn't seen any spiders in my bedroom in at least 3 weeks. That was until yesterday. I found a new variety, but one which I am familar with. I'm not as afraid of this kind, so I smushed it into oblivion. My mother would be proud.

I will keep you posted as this situation develops--whether you want it or not.



“So, our new house is infested with spiders. I've seen 7 in the past 3 days. Two of those managed to get in my car, which caused all sorts of dramatics when they were discovered as I went to get in my car after working on Friday night. One was just chillin’ on the seat. I almost sat on it. Seriously, I screamed like a little girl, dropped my bag and ran from my car. My co-workers laughed at me once they realized I wasn't being attacked by a man with a hook. -Also, if you’re searching for rogue spiders hiding in a car lined with synthetic material, I suggest not using a lighter.

The other I discovered crawling across my windshield—ahem, on the INSIDE--as I was driving down the expressway at 65 miles an hour at midnight. I trapped it in an empty soda cup, which I then held out the window for the remainder of my drive home.

So, again, just for clarification--driving down the expressway at midnight, doing 65-70 mph, and I’m searching for something to trap this bitch and keep my eyes on it and the road, found empty soda cup, felt all MacGyver and shit, then realized I have a Very Pissed-off Spider that may or may not have drowned in the centimeter of possibly rancid liquid at the bottom of the cup. Oh yah, it was special.

I did some research today and found out they are Yellow Sac Spiders (Yeah, I know, the name kind of takes away some of the menace for me, as it sounds a little bit like a spider porn name). They are fairly common and have been known to bite, but rarely. Those bites occurring mostly when the spiders crawl into clothing and people get dressed. Guess who's going to shake the shit out of everything from now on? Yeah, you got it. Also, it might be overkill to shake the dishtowels, but I’m taking no chances.

I do, however, believe we have an agreement (me and said Yellow Sac Spiders). I will not kill them if they do not attempt to bite me. This has been working so far.”




Creepy looking sucker, isn't it?