Ikea, I Wish I Could Quit You...

I have the entire weekend off. I, the person who works All The Time, have two whole days off-In A Row-and have absolutely nothing planned except to visit with my mom at some point. This is what a real weekend is? Normal people have these all the time? This is glorious! So, just how exactly do you think I spent the first 4 hours of my whole weekend off?

Standing in line.

Yes, I stood in line at Ikea, for over 4 Hours. To buy bookshelves. Because they were on sale and I am cheap. Now, I got there early, I thought, and there was already a line around the building. To buy bookshelves and chairs. To be precise, Expedit bookshelves for $49, and a Poang chair for $39. They really were a good deal, I mean that's at least $40 off each item. But I'm justifying....

And after about 20 minutes in the full morning sun, my pale, pale arms glowing like two welcoming beacons, signaling new arrivals, I thought "Eff this, what the H-E-double hockey sticks am I doing wasting this day?"

But I had moved about ten feet. There were now People Behind Me. I was no longer the Last In Line. And even though I didn't realized it then, I was committed. I was getting that damn bookshelf and that damn chair. There were a few tense moments, like when an employee shouted from the ticket booth, "Only 175 chairs left, and 200 bookshelves!" and there were still a lot of people ahead of me. There were awkward moments, like standing in the full sun at 11:45 am and a single drop of sweat rolled down my cleavage. Or when I was jammed in line between two very chatty old broads, one who decorated for weddings and thought I'd care to know how she would use every single vase in an arraignment, and one who had a greenhouse and insisted I'd be very happy with an orchid, I really should get the orchid, really they're very lovely on an Eastern-facing window sill.

So, 4 hours later, I'm wheeling my little cart stacked with my loot, thinking, "really? was this really worth it?" I get that freakin' heavy bookshelf back to my house, out of my car, and set up in my room. It may not be much, but I think that damn orchid does look lovely. And the bookshelves are already packed.

FoTC

I might be a fan, but whoever put this together is an F.A.N.

That Monday Smell

For maybe the fifth day in a row, I woke up at 6:30. In The AM! As this was not the time my alarm was set to go off, I went back to sleep. And, same as it was for the last few days, when my alarm did go off I had a really hard time getting out of bed. So I snoozed.

But today was just slightly different, in that what finally got me out of bed was a very peculiar odor. Investigation lead me to Louie, who was curled up on my chest. She smelled like a very large man had rubbed his ass all over her. It was less than lovely.

Her paws were wet, and that's where the smell was coming from. So now, every one of the wet little paw prints she left on my comforter smells like ass. Now I'm tired, mad, and off to investigate.

I found the source of the ass smell. And at this point, I'm just going to remind everybody that I live with a Boy, not a boy I'm dating, not even a boy I'm friends with, just a Boy. And this Boy had left an Open Can Of Chicken On The Counter All Night. Is there anything more disgusting than canned Chicken!? Yes. Yes, there is--12 hour old canned chicken juice.

One the one hand, my cats are just well-behaved enough that they know better than to jump on the kitchen counter. My good little Booger, didn't touch the tempting rancid chicken juice. But Louie, she's got a little rebellious streak.

Shameless Plug

When Pickle gets tired, tired enough that he thinks he's NOT tired anymore, I bundle him up and sing him this song, Lullaby Letgo by Katie Johnston. This song has worked nearly every time he's been fussy about taking a nap.

Katie is one of the most kind and unique souls I've met, and I just have to share her with all of you. Check out her myspace, and give the songs a listen. You won't regret it.

And then, when he gets up and he's a little cranky, we do the "Mahna Mahna" dance. Giggles garaunteed.

I Miss You, So Unbelievably Much

Grandma,

I have to start out by saying, I really really really miss you. I wish you were here, because our family needs you very much right now. I don't think there is anyone who could sort out this mess like you could. And even though some things are the same, some things are very different.

There are things that even after 10 years, I remember like they happened last week. Those Saturday mornings I spent cleaning and putting rollers in your hair. (And I don't feel guilty for telling the internets, 'cause that was something you would tell your friends anyway.) "Oh? My hair looks nice? Thank you, my Granddaughter did it for me." You'd say it with such pride. And I FELT proud. Of course I would curl your hair. Of course I would help you clean the house. And for payment, I would get stories. I would get art lessons. I would get the whole afternoon to try on your fabulous jewelry.

I can't tell you how much I cherish the gift of your Crafty-ness. When I'm working on a gift for someone, I imagine you taking the work, and scanning every inch of it with your eyes and your hands, making sure it's perfect. If I think it would pass your inspection, then away it goes. If not, then over it starts.

There is a new great-grandbaby with cheeks to kiss. My nephew, the child of Your Number One Grandson is as amazing as anyone could have imagined him to be. And there is another one on the way, as Gibby is due in early August. But then, you already knew that. There's not one bit of baby news that would get by you!

The house is still there, but it doesn't mean what it used to. When I'm at my Mom and Dad's, I try not to look at it, but it's still there. It makes me miss your apple crisp. It makes me miss your home-made bread. It makes me miss the time when I thought everybody in our family liked each other. Now, some of them just want to hurt the others. I wish you could put a stop to that.

Well anyway, I know how much you love getting letters. I just wish you were still here to get this one in person. And I know I said that I'd have a really hard time if I ever saw you again. You know, cause it would be a little scary for me. But I think I changed my mind.

Love. This.

Louie The Mighty

Last night there was yet another spider in my room. This was a fortunate spider, he was out of my reach to smoosh. I was a little bit freaked out to go to sleep knowing that it was lurking on my ceiling. Just out of reach, waiting for me to go to sleep so that it could walk all over parts of my uncovered body. When I began to imagine him doing some eight-legged version of Fosse, I realized I might never get to sleep. Then I saw LulaBelle out of the corner of my eye.

She was perfectly still, and I knew she had spotted the vermin. She scaled a stack of boxes, and stood up on her hind legs reaching as far as she could, and she SMACKED that arachnid! My little defender!

The Week In Review, A Post In Progress

This past week was a fairly eventful one for me. I got to see my sister's Bump. Baby Buckie even obliged by punching his little fist/foot hard enough that I could see the movement. I like to think he was waving "Hi, can't wait to meet you!"

Then I was lucky enough to meet, Live and In Person, an author I admire. The Fabulous Jen Lancaster.

And of course, there was More Pickle. We danced, he made me giggle, I made him giggle, much giggling all around.

This is a post in progress.

Things Are Looking Up

Yay Yay Yay! I opended hulu today, to see that "Green Wing" is now available to watch! I found this show about two years ago watching BBCAmerica. It is so GD funny I can't even stand it!

One commenter put it perfectly-"Imagine if 'Scrubs' and 'It's Always Sunny in Philadephia had a child..." Yes, exactly that.

So with that, and a much-needed trip to the Farm this weekend(for the Urban Detox), I'd say things are looking up. And it didn't even take a talking stove (if you don't know FoTC, you won't get that).

"I Got Hurt Feelings, I Got Hurt Feelings"

I've mentioned Flight of the Conchords a time or two here, and I found this fan-piece on YouTube which sums it all up pretty well.

It does me good to remember that things get bad, and then you laugh. Such is life.