Letter To A Bitch (Please forgive the snark, I'm a little pissed off)

Dearest Former Land"Lady,"

I understand that the house I have lived in for the past year was the first home you ever owned, and that you loved it dearly. The fact of the matter is that you, out of whatever circumstances (you civil-unioned your longtime partner on a cruise off the coast of Canada, and the both of you decided to call her house "home"), decided to rent it out.

My roommate and I took care of your house. We had no wild and crazy parties in your house. We put up with a very scary spider infestation, and dealt with the lingering smell of your three large dogs. Not to mention the neighbor's delinquent son I once caught punching his own house.

So when you tell me that my two small cats caused $600 worth of damage, please forgive my disbelief. I understand that you are not a "cat person" (which if you REALLY think about it, is not a tiny bit ironic). And rather than call and have me remedy this situation a week ago (as technically today is the last day of the lease, so a week ago the house was still my residence), you decided to bring in a company (I'll assume it was the company your friend owns) to "fix" this "problem."

Also, it was very gracious of you NOT to charge us for the damage caused by the Ice and the Snow. I apologize for not informing you of the damage as it was being inflicted. To be unaware of the weight of the Ice and Snow warping the paving stones is Unforgivable.

I could go on, but really, I'm just not a nit-picky kind of person, as you can totally relate. I hope your next tenants truly reflect the Renter demographic of my former City of Residence.

Good Riddance,
Toots

My Life Is A Country Song

The first three days of this week have been as near to disastrous as one can have in my fairly sheltered, I-got-Peeps-lookin-out-for-me world. Don't quite understand what I'm getting at? Here are a few examples.

Sunday I expected to actually have the house to myself for the evening, so that I could clean and unpack. But for the first time in a week my roommate was home the same time as I was. And I didn't get to unpack in solitude. And we actually had a conversation. And actually got to know each other a little better. Yeah, what a downer, right?

Then last night I wasn't planning on going to The Babe's house, as I had worked all day. But when I talked to him after work, he said he was tired too, and that maybe we should both just stay at our respective houses. And even though I didn't want to go to his house, even though I wanted to stay with my Kitties--him saying 'don't come over,' just turned me into this bratty little five year old and all I wanted to do was go to my friend's house and why couldn't I just come over? Most of the time, we stay up so late talking that we're both exhausted. And yes, I actually do mean talking. So, bummer, I actually got some sleep last night, woke up well-rested and was early for my meeting the next day.

Which brings us to this morning, wherein the ATM machine ate my card. Cause it was all gnarly and bent. So I got on my cell phone and called my credit union, told them my sob story about the mean ol' ATM, and they are working on fixing this monumental obstacle that is in the path of my life's journey. (Little too much?) Boo-hoo me, now I have to actually pay cash for things, and I might even save a bit on gas.

As my Sis says, there's rarely a shortage of drama in my life. Cause Sweet Baby Jesus knows, I can make even a trip to the cash machine a major event.

Please Hold While...I Punch You In The Neck

Just called to switch over some utility service for the new house, and spent a good 10 minutes being MIS-directed by the automated menus. Yeah, fine whatever, you're switching to "something" that will eventually make "something" better. Whatever. Right now, I just want to drive down to Indiana and punch you in the neck.

Also, once I give up trying to navigate said menus and request to speak to a Person (who turned out to be very Pleasant and Helpful), please do not require this very nice and competent person to direct me, yet again, to another "helpful" service menu. One, I might add, that is the new, "more convenient" kind that makes you speak out your selections. Now everyone in my office thinks I'm some kind of nutter that shouts out random words for no apparent reason. This just wiped away previous gratitude I had for the operator.

Hmmm, the protein smoothie I had for lunch may have had a dash of rage in it.

Baby Mama Drama

Yesterday my new roommate and I were at the house, at the same time, for more than 5 minutes. Which means I actually talked to the guy. Turns out that boy has some serious Drama going on. Involving a Baby Mama. A situation that is way too convoluted, and personal to him, for me to write about here. (Meet me for coffee and I'll tell ya the whole thing) (Just kidding) (......Maybe)

So I woke up this morning thinking that I may have actually used the term "Baby Mama drama" during a phone conversation with Rampcommander. But just moments ago I received an email from The Brit, and I so totally feel better. I'll just quote it directly:

"What are you up to this week? anything exciting? I think we should totally hit downtown Ferndale this weekend, make our mark on your new hood (lol can you believe an english girl just used the word hood? crazy)"

No, no I cannot believe you just used the word "hood." Oh, and your gratuitous use of "lol" excuses my gratuitous use of the word "Peeps."

Today Must Be Youtube Thursday

One more thing, The Brit sent me this through Facebook. Ah, those Brits.... They sure do have a lot of time on their hands.

I Would Say I'm a Jemainiac

This is the next thing from Jemaine of Flight of the Conchords. I love it. It's a spoof of a Sci Fi writer, and it's just brilliant.

"Let me irrigate your barren earth with fresh cream."



I'm counting the days till I get to see them live and in person!

Oh. My. Jesus.

I was speechless after I watched this. Absolutely gobsmacked. This is what Real Live Magic feels like.

Watch it, and I promise you, you will get an amazing piece of Happy back in your heart.

First, You Start With a Crabby Patty....

So, with everything going on with me lately, I've been at a loss about what exactly I should write about. Then The Brit made this post, and I feel it may be time for some sort of virtual intervention.

SNAP OUTTAV IT! (hear it with a heavy New Jersey accent)

Nobody has it together when they are in their 20's. They may think that they do, but they really, really don't. I still don't have it together, and I've got a few years on ya. Make a plan, don't make a plan, none if it really matters if you continue to be so hard on yourself.

I find that if you set the bar very low, it's easy to win small victories. Such as, I found my knitting needles today. In the chaos that is the new house, I found the one thing that will contribute most to my procrastinating unpacking. And I couldn't be more ecstatic!

And most importantly, no matter what it is that you decide to do, you got Peeps. Never forget that you got Peeps.

Moving in Nine Bruises Or Less

The Move, it is almost Finished! I thought it would never be over, but it nearly is. Thank Baby Jesus.

I just don't feel ready to talk about this experience yet. I may never be ready. All I know is my Bro is helping me move the last of the big furniture (aka, my amazing bed) out of the old house, and into the Dreamboat's house. Because it will not fit into the new place. But at least I can go and visit it.

For the moment, the cats have only emerged from under the bed for very brief moments when I sing to them. Which somewhat illustrates their state of mind(s). You would know what this means if you've ever heard me sing.

Random Friday

Twitter; Know It, Use It, Love It.

What follows is a totally random collection of things from Twitter and Facebook that I've found today. I'm not even going to post about the Stewart v. Cramer fiasco (funny, but oh so over-exposed). Here's some other stuff.

Puppy Love
This Little Puppy tweets. I don't know much about the situation, but this little dog has only about a month to live. It appears as if she has lived a very full and happy life, but her final wish is to have 1,000 followers on Twitter. I think I became #634 earlier today. It's so adorable, I cried a little.

Elmo Loves Ricky
But then this, posted on Facebook made me laugh again. Thanks K.
Sorry that I cannot imbed it at this time, hopefully later. It is Ricky Gervaise talking to Elmo. Things get a little out of hand. But I guess that's what you get when you put a puppet and a British Comedian on set together.

This Is One Kind Of Onion I Could Love
So, in case you missed it, I've been moving recently. I found a VHS copy of "The Princess Bride," and I just can't bring myself to get rid of it. Then The Onion posted this article, and now I know I'll never be able to get rid of it. It's a short article, so I'll just copy it.

Area Dad Botches 'Princess Bride' Quote
March 13, 2009 Issue 45•11

LIVONIA, NY—Mere hours after watching Rob Reiner's classic 1987 film The Princess Bride with his children, area father William Loomis badly botched some of the most familiar lines from the movie, sources reported Monday. "My friend Laura came over and my dad greeted her at the door by saying, 'Hello. I am Diego Montoya. You killed my father. Now you will die,'" said Loomis' 17-year-old daughter Erica. "Then at dinner he started waving his wine glass and yelling, 'irreconcilable!' over and over again in this sort of Elmer Fudd voice. That's not even the right speech impediment." Loomis has a history of bungling well-known cultural references, most notably in 1985 when he spent all summer asking family members, "Where's the meat?"

I can never remember quotes from movies, and I'm always asking, "What is that from?" But 'The Princess Bride' is the only movie I can quote. Apparently its the only movie Nearly Everybody in America can quote.

Let Them Eat Cake

You know you're stressed out when you charge tickets for a play on Saturday, and by Monday you've forgotten that you even went to the theater, and freak out because there is a charge on your account, and you're sure you didn't make it.

And then you call your credit union to cancel the card, because the last thing you need is somebody trying to take what little money you have left after paying the ridiculous amount of bills you paid last week. Because you thought a good idea to reduce the stress of a move would be to overlap leases, and are paying rent for two houses. Yeah, that worked out real well.

Turns out I was stealing my own identity. Now if that's not a cry for things needin' a change, I just don't know what is.... Or I could fall back to the ol' standby and blame everything on the Time Change.

iPod Lurve

Turn on your ipod, set it to shuffle. What are the first 10 songs that play? Jen Lancaster posted something similar, and as I'm going to see her sweat Sauvignon Blanc in person, I felt it would be OK to consider myself tagged. And now so are you....tagged.

Mine:

1. A Forest - Nouvelle Vague
2. Move Away - The Killers
3. All Ears - Whitest Boy Alive
4. Talking Shit About A Pretty Sunset - Modest Mouse
5. Foux Du Fafa - Flight of the Conchords
6. If Only - The Kooks
7. First Love - Adele
8. Lover, You Should Have Come Over - Jeff Buckley
9. Gravity - The Dresden Dolls
10. Pioneer to the Falls - Interpol

Wow, that was an incredibly Hipster list. I'm really not that cool. My ipod must have known how important this was for me, to impress you all with my musical tastes. It makes me love it that much more.