Sunday, December 28, 2008

Try the '08, I heard it was a good year...

I've heard through friends that people I never thought would read my blog, are reading my blog. They are reading my blog, and they think I'm funny. These are some pretty cool people I'm talking about, and I'm flattered. It's just, man, that is a lot of pressure.

It's also...I started this for me. It took seven months for it to really sink in--The Internet, it ain't private. Like one of those things that you "know," but it takes a while for you to "get."

A lot of shit has happened this year. Some of it I wrote about here, more of it I didn't. I didn't write about it for various reasons. First among them is because I DON'T EVER WANT TO HURT THOSE THAT I LOVE. And writing about certain things would hurt them very much.

Not five minutes ago, I sent a message to someone that I used to respect. I wish I could write about it here, but really, I would just be venting. And about two months ago, somebody I care about was put in a situation where they felt threatened because of something I wrote. This blog has never been about airing a list of grievances, but many times I've come very close to doing just that.

So, here I am, half into a bottle of wine, wishing I had a little more nerve and a much thicker skin.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Holiday Come Down

Here's Pickle in his Christmas Best.

I hope that Santa was good to you all. I got the humidifier I asked for. Not so exciting, you may think. But I'll tell ya what else isn't so exciting--weekly nosebleeds in my extremely dry house.

I'm recovering from the copious amounts of sugar I consumed--in the guise of holiday cookies. My sister, who looks most like my mom, also cooks like my mom (i.e. Deliciousness). She brought over two of my favorites--homemade toffee and seven layer cookies. Add to that the fudge and other sweets my mom made, and it feels like I came back to the D with an extra 10lbs.

These guys waited all night for Santa. Guess the Big Guy just doesn't like cats.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

It's That Time of Year....

...for the Best of the Year Lists!

Everybody else has year-end list, so why not me? I'm working on them now, but they will be posted closer to the New Year.

Untill then, a "Happy Holidays!" to every one! And because this has become the Year of the Pickle, I leave you with a photo of my sister's babies--

Thursday, December 18, 2008

That's Not My Name

Two adorable little boys have adopted me as their aunt. I watch them Wednesday nights, and usually I'll bring a movie for them to watch as I make dinner. A few weeks ago, I brought Wall-e. It was a hit.
Such a big hit that now whenever the 3-year old catches sight of me, he asks, "Aunt Toots, watch Wall-e?" Which after abour five repetitions turns into "Toots, Wall-e?"

And the 2-year old, he repeats EVERYthing he hears, has dropped the "Toots" part. He calls me Wall-e. "Wall-e, juice?" "Wall-e, get me?"

It took me a little to catch on that he wasn't talking about the movie, he was actually talking to me. Which means that since I answered him (regardless of what I said), I must be Wall-e.

Say my name, say my name.--Sing it, Beyonce....

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I Have The Power!

He-Man on hulu.
There goes what little free time I have.

He-Man or FOTC Season 2 premier on Which was released early today.

"I come from a family of male weavers."

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Taking Flight

So, I just googled "Flight of the Conchords," and I've learned that new episodes start Jan. 18! Yay!

This duo holds a special place in my heart. Not just because they are funny (and they are very funny), but because it was during an impromptu marathon viewing of last season on DVD that I was able to employ the snuggle-with-a-guy-you-like-lean-on-his-shoulder-and-pretend-to-fall-asleep move. I am a pro with this move. So much so, that I actually did fall asleep and woke up with my head on his lap.

Now that I think about it, I wonder if he pulled the wait-till-the-girl-you-like-uses-the-snuggle-with-a-guy-you-like-lean-on-his-shoulder-and-pretend-to-fall-asleep-move-then-when-she-really-does-fall-asleep-put-her-head-on-your-lap move?

And if he did? It must have worked for him, 'cause 1 year later I still snuggle up with him on the couch and fall asleep on him. Also, I sometimes drool when I sleep.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

The Genius of Funny

This post is yet another reason I love Paul Krugman and want to have his hypothetically brilliant babies. He won the Nobel Prize for economics. He teaches at Princeton. And--he understands the genius of LOLcats! He actually posted a captioned pic from

Except for his voice, he would be perfect.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Seriously Folks, Consider The Cat....

Remember my Plan To Fix The Economy? Dudes! Seriously, it's a sound plan. Just check out what Dewey did for the town of Spencer, Iowa. (Do you really need me to link? Ever heard of Google? "Dewey Readmore Books" try it yourselves, chickies.) He has his own book!

(By they way? You should read this book. The writing isn't award-winning prose, but it's from the heart and a really great story.)

And what about all the hype that's surrounding the Obama's new pet? OK, so maybe the Presidential pet should be the mascot of America, but I think you should all consider Bogart (aka Booger).

You think I'm joking, but look at that poise. Such dignity, such presence! America needs a feel good story. Booger is a feel good kind of kitty.
And dare I forget Lula. She could be VP Mascot. Handeling all the sneaky, behind the scenes mascot buisness...

Friday, December 5, 2008

Have You Read The News Today?

Well, I have and it's EFFING DEPRESSING!

Not a single happy story to be found. CNN, NYT, Detroit Free Press--all just DOOM AND GLOOM. "More jobs lost." "More people unemployed than previously reported." "How are you cutting costs this holiday?" "Worst since the last time it was really bad!"

And to start my day off, my alarm woke me up from a dream where my grandfather was just about to tell me something. It would have been nice to know what he would have said. I've had him on my mind a lot lately, as this will be the first Christmas we've had without him. The first Christmas that will not be celebrated at The Farm.

What would he make of the mess we find ourselves in? What advice would he give? Guaranteed it would have been followed with a Little Debbie. And a hug.

I could sure use one of those hugs right about now...

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

It's December Now, You Need More Pickle

Pickle's Mama sent this to me yesterday. I was feeling a little "under the weather," and this bebe made me laugh. Sorry for the camera phone quality.

Thought I'd share the baby joy.

On to a more serious subject...

TiVo Guilt.

I'll admit it, I'm a former sufferer. CNN has an article about it. And the New York Times wrote about something related, that happy people don't watch TV.

Oh, how I loved our DVR. Then I moved and chose to give up not only the DVR, but cable TV as well. It took about 4 months (granted these were summer months, with crappy programming), but I got used to not having the TV on. So used to it in fact, that I still sometimes forget that now I can watch 'Ghost Hunters' on Wednesday night. On the TV, and not on the internets.

So, with the economy in the crapper, I'm giving you permission--Nay--Ordering you, America; Drop the remote and pick up a book. Or turn on your stero and do a little dance (in the privacy of your own homes, please). We all need to be happy and feel less guilt. We need to "get in the spirit of the Holidays." (Unless you intend to watch ABCfamily 25 days of Christmas. Or Rudolph. Or Charlie Brown Christmas.) (When are those on again? Oh, shit! Are Rudolph and Charlie Brown on at the same time?! If I had a DVR, I could watch one, and tape the other...)

....Do you see the evil of this device?! I don't even have it anymore, and Oh the Hold it has on me still....

Monday, December 1, 2008

Can You Call A Potpie Beautiful?

I Made This---

---from SCRATCH! From some leftovers my mom sent me home with. It was even more delicious than it looked. Because I got to share it with my roomie. And with the man who said to me, "I'm thankful for you." (That's yet to be proved, but it was still nice to hear)

Farm Livin' is the Life For Me

The trip up North was great. Getting there was the hard part.

First off, I left many hours later than I wanted to. When I did finally get on the road, I pulled up to a gas station and realized I had left my debit card in my name tag. At the store. Which is something I NEVER do, because I KNOW that I would forget it there. Well, I did and I did.

So I had to drive to the store (I'll admit it, I dawdled), and finally got on the road.

The drive was uneventful, which is always a good thing. And I finally made it to the farm. And for the next 36 hours I didn't have to leave the house.

My mom made this really amazing dinner. So much food.

Exhibit A: turkey coma victim #1, Rufus
Exhibit B: turkey coma victim #2, Sophie

Monday, November 24, 2008

Let The Season.....Begin!

When I typed that heading, I heard it in my head like "Get Ready To Rumble!" Didn't you? No, just me then.....

Anywho, tomorrow I'm off to the North for Thanksgiving. I haven't been to my parents in months, which is unusual, and I just can't wait. It's my Urban Detox, and boy do I need it now. I'll have to come back to reality on Friday, as I am scheduled to work at the retail job. Should be an interesting day.

I've been listening to the all Christmas music station, so in a weird way I feel like I'm going home for Christmas. Oh great, I have a sneaking suspicion that I know what my nightmare is going to be tonight--going home for Christmas and forgetting to buy presents.

Yeah, did I mention I've been having nightmares? The kind that only I find scary. When I tell somebody about them, I just get this blank, "you call that a nightmare?" kind of look.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Do You Hulu?

If you have not checked this site out, you absolutely must! It's become the replacement to the DVR I gave up when I moved. They have all seasons of The Pretender, and you can watch them. For Free! Except CBS shows. CBS can Suck It!

It's a little like YouTube, but as far as I've seen, you can't upload your stupid home movies to it.

And speaking of home movies, I'll be visiting my Sister for Thanksgiving and begging her to let me post the video of her wedding during which her new hubby drove a snowmobile. Into a pond. In his tux. In August.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The (Other) Cat Has Something To Say

So, I've hit a little roadblock in regards of what to post. I could go with the ol' standby of pictures of Pickle, but I'm sure you are all tired of that shitck. So, I was sitting at my desk, staring at the screen, when Lula offered to write something for me today. And without further adeu, making her debut, I give you LullaBelle (aka Louie)---

She Who Feeds has been spotty in her quest to complete NaBloPoMo. Since I do not want her to become a failure, I must step in. I do adore her, as She is the one Who Feeds, and she understands that a lap is my rightfull napping place. But sometimes she is a little lacking. As in the area of giving Treats. Also, she does not allow me to lick her. This sometimes hurts my feelings.

No introductions should be necessary, but since she has only ever written about that knucklehead...Booger...I, LullaBelle Catterina, am very pleased to meet you, Internets. You may address me as "Tsarina". Or Princess Kitty. That will do nicely.

Despite what she says, she doesn't like you. I like you. Bring me treats. And CatNip. She Who Feeds is also She Who Rations The Happy Cat Weed.

To the One Who Lives In The Room I Can't Go In: You have, on occasion, brushed me. And that is nice, but I know that you know where the CatNip is. I am holding you just as responsible for the rationing. But I will sit on you, as you are warm and you sing to me. And this is what I deserve.

As for The Booger, I am the Special One, he is the "Special" one. But he is my best friend, so only I am allowed to say mean things to him. Because he is bigger than me and he chases me, and words are my only defense. Words and sneak attacks.

And to the One Who Occasionally Visits. I sit on your lap and I allow you to pet me. You let me lick you even when She Who Feeds says "no," and that is nice. But you smell funny and should bring treats.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Jigga What....

...Big Pimpin' all Christmas style. It begins tomorrow.

I've set my mind to start the holiday decorations. The Brit is setting up the outside lights very soon, and for once we might have the cutest house on the block. Snow is wonderful in that you don't have to mow or rake it.

I want a Pink and Gold tree, but I think The Brit wants to go with something a little more traditional.
Speaking of traditions, I'm hoping she will bring a Little Bit of England to our house this year.

Did I mention she has Style? Hip, British Style.

Monday, November 17, 2008

I may be the Queen of Obsessive Thinking, but at least I'm not the First Lady of CrazyTown!

Dear First Lady of Crazy,

I'm not sure if you are aware, but delusions are not healthy. Harboring them doesn't imporove their chances of becoming real.

I have had enough of watching my back, checking what I say for fear of escalating a "situation." I didn't want to provoke the Crazy.

Well, I am done. Do whatcha gonna do. Cause, Bee-otch, I'm just too tired.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Letter To The Management

To Whom It May Concern (not me, cause I don't give a shit anymore);

I appreciate the fact that, in retail, I must sit through a Holiday Meeting. The fact that I get Paid to listen to you talk is a bonus. What I do not appreciate is the fact that what you are talking about is shit everybody in the room should know. This ain't their first disco, they should know this stuff.

The fact that they don't know this stuff makes my head want to spin and spew green vomit.

Seriously. Gross, but so true. I've spent the last two hours trying to dig one shred of viable new information out of the tripe I was subjected to and all I've come up with is this: A coworker, when asked for a way to improve our "customer service," replied----Oh my god, this is just so beautiful it deserves it's own paragraph---

"Frosted Flakes!"

And just for a little contrast, the "holiday meeting" at the office goes a little something like this, "Want the whole week off? Take it! We don't have much going on anyway."

Ho Fucking Ho Ho

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Too Much Cute....Must Share

Pickle has discovered his hands. And he giggles. Talk about a cute overload.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I Have The Best Friends

"Friends are the family you pick for yourself." I heard that a while ago, and it's stuck with me.

The people in my life right now are some of the best people I have ever known. Thank you all for listening to me obsess about my life, and never passing judgement. For all of your advice, even though you know I might not take it.

Marilyn Monroe once said, "I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

Thank you all for being there for the worst, and sticking around for the best.

Seems that Rampcommander is feeling the same. Maybe Thankfulness is in the air.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The Timing, It Is Everything

I had a book group meeting last night (we read "The Soloist," and it was a very good discussion), and one of the members announced to the group she would be retiring in two weeks from one of The Big Three. Her retirement is secure, and she was offered a great package. She was ecstatic, as we all were for her.

Later on, another member announced that he would be declaring bankruptcy. He is starting a new career as an author, and has just recently learned his first book will be published. He has wanted to be an author for a very long time, but circumstances didn't allow him the time to research and write, which makes his first book a little bittersweet. The group and I wish him all the luck in the world. If anyone deserves a break, it's this guy.

I don't know how it all relates, I just know that somehow it does. And I've had the phrase "civic duty" stuck in my brain since a few days before the election.

Fly Like Paper, Get High Like Planes

It was my 3-0 this past weekend. I went to a friend's boyfriend's party two days before my Big Day. I've only just begun to process the many events from that night.

A few conclusions I've drawn from this 24 hour time period:
>First and foremost--I Am Too Old For This S***.
>Ice luge shots equals herpes for everyone! Yay!
>Even though you may know everyone at the party, doesn't mean you should trust everyone at the party.
>The most sober person is the one who will injure themselves. Never fails.
>If you are craving tacos, you should get tacos. Potato chips are no substitute. Neither is more liquor.
>Nobody deserves to be called a Bitch on their birthday.

And probably the most important--If You Don't Feel Like Going To The Party, DON'T GO TO THE PARTY! Or the after party, for that matter....

One last thing, you might not even have noticed, but I no longer have adds on my blog. Cause AdSense sucks lemons, and feels my content is too harmful to advertisers.

So, I guess I really AM controversial! If Google didn't host my blog (for f-r-e-e), they would be Dead To Me. But alas, I'll have to settle for--They Can Suck It!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Conspiracy of Evil

Dear Mr. Blues,

Please, I beg you, leave me be. I thought that maybe you'd be staying for a day or so, as is sometimes the case. But now it seems that you have dropped in for a nice long visit, and I'm asking you to kindly, please, GTFO!

I have not been able to finish any craft project I've started in the last two weeks, which means I've got a lot of unfinished knitting laying around. You can almost build a fort with all the yarn.

It may be that you are in cahoots with Mr. TimeChange (believe me, mister, I'm on to you and your evil), conspiring to make me stay in bed longer. Or that you've worked out some deal with Old Man Winter. I was excited for the snow, but now that it's all gone and only the bitter cold remains, my spirits have dipped yet again.

So here's your first warning. Consider yourself On Notice. I'll be visiting Pickle to get my weekly dose of baby cuteness. I'll be stringing Fairy Lights throughout the house to combat the early onset darkness. And I'll be wishing for snow every chance I get.

If all of that doesn't work, and you refuse to warned, things could get ugly. I'm talking SpongeBob SquarePants marathons here.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Wii Would Like to Play

Yesterday I celebrated my birthday by racing cows...on the Wii. Rampcommander was passing through town, and a few of my friends organized a dinner and Wii night. We played Wii, and it was awesome.

Almost as awesome as when I visited my parents and my dad showed his buddy how to play Wii Sports. My Bro and his friend were in town as well, and they had all been working outside most of the day. When my uncle played his usual before-bed-after-snack (or should I say, "knack") game of Wii Bowling, my dad's friend was pretty fascinated by the game. So my dad showed him how to play and my Bro and his friend joined.

They taught him how to play after they had had a few beers.

And some whisky.

Awesome, truly awesome. Why so awesome, do you ask? Because I've never seen my dad (or his buddy, for that matter) so animated that late at night.

Friday, November 7, 2008

I Love You More Than a Beef and Bean Burrito

Last week was my brother's birthday. The family didn't celebrate other than the usual phone calls. I'm hoping when we're all home for Christmas, we'll do some sort of group party, as four of the five of us have birthdays within two months of each other (apologies if that was confusing).

I felt a little guilty that I didn't make a big deal of his birthday this year. Not that I usually make a production out of it, but still, feeling a little guilty.

Then I realized, this is probably the best birthday he's ever had. Because this year, he celebrates his birthday as some body's father. I saw him with his son the other day. It was just amazing, the amount of love for that baby. And that little guy just looked up at his daddy and smiled. How can any material present ever compare.

Happy Birthday, Bro.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Loss of an Icon

Michael Crichton died recently.

A few things I didn't know: He didn't believe in global warming. He was married five times. I like the Wiki site better than his personal web page, more dirt, less bias.

Here are a few things I did know: He has one of the most difficult names an author can have, next to impossible to spell. His books are always easy to recommend. And always made the bestseller lists.

Ok, I gotta call it--this post is going no where. I'm totally distracted, trying to do too many things at once right now. I've got about three windows open on my interwebbing, chatting, shopping, watching tv.

It's all too much!

Could that be the theme of my life right now? Oh god, am I actually reverting to the sad esoteric teenage blather? Really? Am I really going there?

All I can say is, I warned you that November posts might get sketchy due to NaBloPoMo. I just didn't think it would come to this so soon.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

It's How You Spell Relief

I woke up this morning to a sense of relief. The election is over, so I won't upset your sensitive little eyes with my liberal drivel any longer. Except maybe just this little bit. It's an excerpt from President Elect Obama's (it just feels so good to say that!) speech last night.

"And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn, I may not have won your vote tonight, but I hear your voices. I need your help. And I will be your president, too."

It just gives me chills. But in a really good way. And now back to the normal tone of this blog, and my life--

Relief, also because I found this snack bar at my local Trader Joe's. I think this might just revolutionize my mornings.

I think my good mood may be contagious. This morning, both cats were snuggled up together on my bed. I've never seen them that cozy before. Even Booger and Lulla are working for a more united home.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

The Most Anticipated Day Of The Last Four Years

Why, oh why did the election have to be on Tuesday? Or rather, the question is, why didn't I think ahead and ask for the day off in order to vote & then go home to be glued to the TV for the results?

I remember the last election. I went to bed early, knowing it was close, but still sure that Kerry had won. What a jolt I got that morning when I turned on the news.

Barack The Vote!

Monday, November 3, 2008

TV, It's What's For Dinner

I could write about the voting tomorrow, but I think you know which way I'm gonna vote. So, how about this....

They need to bring shows like Beauty and the Beast back to prime time tv.

I've been caught in a marathon of this series on DVD, and I just can't get enough. I do admit that the last season may have jumped the shark, but up till then it was great.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Guess I wasn't the only one....

Halloween, Part Deux

For Halloween this year, I did my best to avoid The Monsters. I barricaded myself with Dr. Juan to watch some scary movies. We got caught up in a 'Scariest Movie Moments' countdown. And I gotta say, watching the scariest moments from movies is like watching the worst part of the movie. At least, it is for me.

Anywho, I will get to dress up this year, as I was invited to a late Halloween party. My costume--a pepper shaker. And I'll be--wait for it, it's good--"searching for my lost shaker of salt."

Oh, I crack myself up sometimes!

Saturday, November 1, 2008

It's The Stupid, Economy

Paul Krugman, he that I adore, wrote a column about Americans spending less. One of the highlights of that article--

"...real spending on durable goods (stuff like cars and TVs) fell at an annual rate of 14 percent. To appreciate the significance of these numbers, you need to know that American consumers almost never cut spending... Also, these numbers are from the third quarter — the months of July, August, and September. So these data are basically telling us what happened before confidence collapsed after the fall of Lehman Brothers in mid-September, not to mention before the Dow plunged below 10,000. Nor do the data show the full effects of the sharp cutback in the availability of consumer credit, which is still under way."

¡Oh, Dios mío

I've often said that working retail can suck your soul, but I recently had an experience that makes me believe that the worst is yet to come. And this ominous feeling I have is, in a round-about way, being confirmed by what Mr. Krugman writes.

Let me 'splain--As we enter this holiday season, people are going to be more limited than ever with their funds. They, as I, will be trying to get the most bang for their buck. But here's the part that has a little more to do with geography. The store I work at has a somewhat difficult and demanding clientele. So, my fear is that their usual sense of entitlement will be magnified by the rough economy, and they will demand even more out of us poor retail slaves.

I'm thinking it's not out of the realm of possibility that some old crone will order me to get her a book, a latte, and rub her wrinkly claw feet while I'm at it.

I Challenge One And All...

to NaBloPoMo! (That's National Blog Posting Month, get your mind out of the gutter. You know you were thinking it.)

So, some of the posts might get a little sketchy. Like hazy childhood memories. Or what I happen to be listening to that day. You know, so TOTALLY different than stuff I normally post.

I'm off to get some inspiration, so I'll have something more exciting to post later. I feel like the Nov. 1 post has to start with a bang.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

My Plan To Fix The Economy

This cat helped to "pump $10 million into the local economy." Of course, that was in Japan. But still...

I nominate one Bogart "Booger" Stinkerburgher as the new mascot for America.

Just picture him in a "jaunty" hat. Come on, you KNOW that would boost tourism in America. Problem solved! He's proven himself to be punctual. He's sort of an Every-Cat we can all get behind.

By the way, my new favorite word is now "jaunty."

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I Ain't Afraid Of No Monsters

This video just might have single-handedly turned my day around.

When you ask her about Monsters...

You know how I'm always going on and on about how I'm afraid of the dark and all those monsters. Well, I think I could learn a thing from this little girl.

Since it is nearly Halloween, I need to get my game plan together. You know, what I'ma gunna do bout alla them Monsters. My favorite part is at the end, where she says, "Oohhh." Listen for it, it's really good.

Just a little Post Script here--I've received many of those stupid, scare-the-pants-off-poor-gullible-unsuspecting-folks kind of videos, and I PROMISE you this is not one of those videos.

Ode To The Olive

I've been feeling a little blue the last couple of days, so I thought I might reminisce on a happy memory. Maybe that will lift my spirits.

When I was little, I was my dad's little shadow--if he sat down to watch the news, I was right there with him. If he was working on a project, I would hold the tools. If he had a snack of sardines and buttermilk, so did I. Sardines or olives. I ate anything that he ate.

Yeah, gross. I don't know when that particular behavior of mine stopped. Probably around the time I realized I had taste buds, and that my taste buds liked sugar more than salt. But a short time ago, I had some sort of antipasto salad with olives. And guess what I learned? I love olives.

So now when I visit, not only will I drink all his coffee, I'll be eating all his olives. Love you, Dad.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Aww, Look At The Pumpkin

This.......was me this weekend.

No more Manhattans. Ever.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Oh NO They Di-int

The Detroit News is now Dead To Me. They officially endorse McCain.

"The Republican presidential candidate has the character, pragmatism and independence necessary to lead a united America...."

And yet-- "We readily acknowledge that McCain has run a distressingly ineffective presidential campaign."

Oh, and this-- "Palin is a promising governor and has excited the Republican base, but she is clearly not prepared for the role she was chosen to play and is costing McCain support...."

But, yup, still endorsing McCain. Wow, just WOW. Even The Salt Lake Tribune, a newspaper in the heart of the most conservative state in the nation, is endorsing Obama.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The Spiders, They Know Where I Work!

Yeah, this is a picture of the bathroom at my office. But, if you look very closely, right under the flash reflection in the corner, you'll see it. That little spot right in the corner. See it now? Here--let me help--

There it is--Yet another spider. I have a sneaky suspicion this one is on a recon mission. Sent to gather info on me. I'm more than a little creeped out that this little bugger was mere inches from my booty.

I shall be using the bathrooms on another floor from now on.

Checking My Ego At The Door

As I was walking to get lunch today, somebody asked me for directions. Some stranger, who was lost and wondering the streets of Detroit, saw me and thought, "hmm, this person looks like she knows what's what, perhaps I'll ask her for directions." The irony is, I stare at maps all day, so usually I do know where things are.

I just find it funny, because I never look like I know where I'm going. I hardly look like I know where I am. My face has this tendancy to form itself to match whatever is running through my brain. And I usually look confused. At least that's how it feels.

So, I am able to give the polite stranger directions and I now Feel Very Important and Smart.

Until I get caught in the revolving door to my building.

This is an image I took this spring at the Downtown Hoedown. Man, do I love this town!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The Infestation, Yet Another Update

Last night I captured two monster big Yellow Sac spiders.

Add to that the couple I found on Sunday, and those captured on Friday and Wednesday of last week....Let's just say, I'm not keeping a spider count anymore because I'd never be able to sleep for fear they were crawling all over my body. Uggghhh.

On the bright side, thanks to The Brit, we have a mechanical contraption to humainly catch the spiders (that is, before flushing them down the toilet!). Viola! It is called the Spider Relocator

Dear, dear, Readers--I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you all for your support during this difficult time. The spiders surely cannot win now that I have the Spider Relocator in my arsonal! I know those who read this blog always, at all times, have my best interests at heart.

Monday, October 20, 2008

What Doesn't Kill You....

Just might make you want to die.

Word of warning, when you buy new coffee creamer to replace bad coffee creamer, Throw Away The Old Coffee Creamer.

Or you will get sick. Like I got sick. Cause I'm an idiot. And I can't read an expiration date.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Air Quotes Of Doom

A majority of blogs that I read have made reference to the last presidential debate. I didn't really want to weigh in on that issue here, as this is a happy place where I laugh at my own misadventures.

When I watched the debate on Thursday, I had an almost physical reaction when John McCain used air quotes when speaking about the "health" of a pregnant woman (I'm sure you've all seen it by now, but just in case, here's the link). I thought, at first, that my reaction was a bit over the top. But after reading the blogs of some very articulate women, I realized that many, many women had the same reaction that I did.

I don't mean to open the can of worms that is the abortion debate. My reaction was on a simple, primal level--and it was this, John McCain must have a very low opinion of women. To simply dismiss an entire gender, and their right to chose to live, burns me up in so many ways......GRRRR.

So, here, I'm saying what many other women are saying--If you have a uterus, think very seriously about the kind of man you want to be our next President.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Yet Another Thing On My Plate

It might be a little early to share this, but I'm all about the build-up. And as it is in my nature to obsess, I'm sharing. And will continue to update.

I was just asked to contribute for a non-profit website. Sorry, I'm not able to disclose many details yet, but the gist is that I will be writing some articles and editing others.

I was on the fence about mentioning my blog as an example of my writing. But after I read some of my old posts, I'm glad I kept my freakin mouth shut. How could anyone take me seriously if they knew I was afraid Yetis were looking in my windows! (Look! I just learned a new trick! I can do hyperlink!!!!)

Yet another upside is that--between working two jobs, Pickle (Hah! I did it again!), crafting (Last time, I promise), and working on this new project--I'll be so busy I'll forget all about the stupid boy and his situation.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

And Everything Was Right In The Universe

It's ALIVE!!!!!

Who knew Apple Support might actaully offer a fix that would work?

Two Elderly Gentlemen Discussing Escalator Maintenance

Today got off to a rough start.

I think I totally fried my iPod. ARRGGGHHHHH! Then, pulling the trash can off the curb, I got dirty and had to change. When I got to the office, I realized that I look like I was dressed by a family of clowns--pink and brown plaid pants, kelly green undershirt, and turquoise snowflake turtleneck sweater. If Tim Gunn saw me he would weep at the atrocity.

But as I was walking through Cobo Hall, I overheard two gentlemen discussing the state of the escalator. "The skirt is nice and tight." "Yeah, but this truss is showing a little wear."

It made me smile.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Oh Nips! Yes, I'm Going There.

Yesterday Sweets said to me, "I can't get rid of this headache." My response, "Yeah, my nips hurt earlier, and I don't know why."

Whoa, you say. Why would you say that to a guy? Well, it's OK. We get our periods at the same time, so he totally knows about sore boobs ;)

And without missing a beat he said to me, "Well, I noticed when you get involved in your book group, you start tweaking 'em."

And it just illustrates my gullibility that for 2.5 seconds I seriously had to think--Wait! Did I actually tweak my nips during my book discussion?!!!!?

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The Wonderful Thing About Boogers....

This little Booger saved my behind yesterday. I set my alarm wrong, and instead of going off at 5:30am, it was set to go off at 5:30pm. But, somehow, he decided to belly flop on my face at about 5:45am.

Not that I'd advise anyone to run out and get a Booger alarm. His prefered method of getting attention is to slam his 17lb fuzzy body onto my face. But it woke me up, and the day was saved. By Booger.

"Get in mah Belleh!"

Saturday, October 11, 2008

The Cheesecake Factory . . . Of Death!

Today, I'm bending the Rules Of Posting that I had set up for myself. I'm writing about food. Not only that, I'm writing about food I ate.

Earlier I had one of the tastiest meals I've eaten in a long time. Super delicious, creamy, and rich. And the cheesecake.... Oh, the Cheescake!

I haven't had a meal that rich in a very long time, and my body reminded me of that soon after I finished eating. Were talking way worse than just a carb coma. I think my GI tract stopped function for a short period of time.

So, the lesson for the day--Everythng in Moderation.

Except maybe the white chocolate macadamia nut cheesecake. Teehee.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

This Keeps Me Occupied

I've found a new distraction. I've been knitting these like crazy. I believe I've made about 5 of them. I'm working on a plan to capitalize on my craftiness...I'll keep you posted.

Until then, here's Pickle, my official model. He's lucky to have his cheeks. I watched him last week, and I almost ate them off.

If You Give a Moose a Muffin....Don't Be Surprised When It Dies Of Sugar Shock

Click on the post title to read the story from The Mining Journal.

Basically, a moose and her calves wondered into downtown Ishpeming and some idiots were following her taking pictures. This mad mob all wanted to see a REAL LIVE MOOSE, and got in the way of the police and DNR. Police had to euthanize the mother moose after it had been herded near a schoolyard by the mad mob.

Here's the thing, I lived in the UP for 4 years, and during that time I saw a REAL LIVE BLACK BEAR, a REAL LIVE WOLF, a REAL LIVE COYOTE. And not once did I feel the need to chase these creatures to get their pictures. And none of those animals is a big as an Effin MOOSE!

Why, WHY would you want to get close to such a massive animal, a massive animal that is in Protect My Babies! mode?

The kicker is some idiots have the nerve to blame police for being forced to kill the animal.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

More Penguins!

I just read about this on CNN, people helping penguins makes me smile.

Click on the post title to see the article. I'm learnin' about all the new fangled technical-thingys you can do with Blogger!

Thursday, October 2, 2008


Everytime Palin said "Maverick," this is what I pictured. Mel Gibson. And Jodi Foster.

Enough. Your family, Gov. Palin, does NOT represent my family.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008


Okay, so remember Cuter Than Kanye? Well, today is the Second Day In A Row that I've run into him outside the ladies restroom.

Then I realized that when I'm at the office, I pee nearly the same time everyday. How messed up is that?

Monday, September 29, 2008

Wookin' Pa Nub...

In all da wong paces.

Oh, sweet internet do I love thee. Let me count the ways:

IM (I seriously got an IM that said, "u r pretty" Que the banjo...)
Instant gratification (But that guy totally thinks I'm Pretty!)

That's all I've got so far....maybe more later.

Maybe not

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Melancholy, Baby

The 'friend thing' is a very complicated thing. But I think it was what I needed to get over the Sweetness. Crushes are hard. And even harder when there is chemistry involved. Oh, the chemistry!

So, Sweets, I'm letting you go. And it may be one of the smartest things I've done in a while. Scary, but still smart. Because not only do I need more, I deserve more.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Letter To A Douche

Dear Douchebag,

Don't ever call me "Nikita, as in La Femme Nikita" ever, ever again. It is not my name. It is not funny. I do not think it is cool. And no, I've never seen the movie, and really don't care that it's about female empowerment. Which, by the way, you Douche, it is not.

Yes, I do know how to take a compliment. If you say, "Nice pants," I will reply with "Thanks." If you tell me five fucking times in a single sentence that you like my pants, I will have to tell you to shut it.

Seriously, do not talk to me. Please, just don't. The next time you say something douche-worthy, I will post the address to the site where I found this photo. And encourage others to mock.

Not Nikita, as in La Femme Nikita

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Ignorance Is Not Bliss

I'm sitting here, at my desk at the office, and I'm hearing a street musician playing the sax. The music floats in and out. Sometimes only just audible over the hum of the CPU. I can't make out what they are playing, but that's not important.

There is all kinds of Life going on just outside my experience, and I'm a little overwhelmed. I have this feeling that something Big is about to happen--in the city, for the Brit, between my friends, for my family.

It is a feeling of giddy happiness, with a hint of foreboding thrown in for taste. Maybe it's all the caffeine I've had, or maybe it's heartburn. But I'm inexplicably hopeful that everything is going to work out for the best.

Maybe I'm just that naive.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The Infestation, Another Update

Fall is nearly upon us. The weather is wonderful--chilly at night and perfect with a hint of rain during the day. Spider weather, Dhun, Dhun, Dhun!

I came home from work the other night to find my animal kingdom nemesis, the dreaded Yellow Sac, hanging out on the ceiling in the living room.

And I spent the next 10 minutes flinging shoes at the ceiling in an attempt to smush the bastard. Now, in my agitated state, it really did take 10 minutes for me to realize that my aim is shit, and it might be difficult to explain shoe prints on the ceiling to my OCD landlady. At which point I devised a plan which involved a broom. Simple, yet effective!

I am suspicious he might have been the first wave. I am hoping for an early and spider-crippling frost to avert the impending crisis.

End of Hiz Reign

I was reading the news today, and it occurred to me that "Manoogian" kinda reminds me of "Magoo." As in, Mr. Magoo. And I realized that's a pretty fair comparison of the farce this whole situation has become.

Mayor Kilpatrick, good riddance.

Lone Wolf? Um, Not So Much...

For almost One Whole Month, I lived alone. It was not as much fun as I thought it would be. I thought it would be loads of giggles to walk around naked, watch whatever I wanted on TV, stay up late and sleep in without anything to wake me.

The reality is, I was too paranoid people would try to look in thru closed blinds to walk around naked. I didn't have cable to watch whatever I wanted, and was pretty bored with the movies I owned. And the absolute quiet started to wear on my nerves.

But all is now right in the Universe, because a few days ago my new roommate moved in! Now, I have a roommate with STYLE--crazy, hip, British style. And a whole new collection of DVDs. She has so much style, I feel like I need to update my wardrobe just to be able to live in my own home. Yay, shopping!

She's ok with my cats. Actually, it's a near perfect situation--she brushes them, makes sure they have food, and generally keeps them company during the day. And then shuts them out of her room so they have no choice but to snuggle up with me at night. I'm not sure how long this is going to last, because the new roommate has her sights set on getting a dog. I'm all for this, and actually looking forward to having a dog again. But I'm not sure how the cats will handle having competition for the Brit's affections.
Here are a few Reasons I Should Not Live Alone:
A roommate would not allow me to eat corndogs and chocolate martinis for dinner.
I have a hard time justifying leaving the house.
Left on my own, I have a hard time showering on a regular basis.
Strange house noises with a roommate = strange house noises; Strange house noises alone = monsters in the basement trying to get me.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

You Snooze, You Lose

I would like to take this opportunity to address a very serious addiction that I have just recently been able to admit to: The Snooze Button on my alarm clock. I abuse the snooze.

Please, it has taken much courage for me to admit this problem to myself. And I hope others may take heart in my story-you are not alone.

And it's not that I just hit that happy little button once or twice in the mornings. It's that I hit that happy little button for nearly Two Hours every single day. I tried to set my alarm clock ahead of all the other clocks in my house. But that didn't work for long. I tried to change the time randomly, say 3 minutes fast one day and then 5 days later 7 minutes fast. What I learned from that little experiment is my ability to preform complex algebraic equations is conversely related to my level of consciousness.

I think I may have hit rock bottom when I accidentally hit the "off" button instead of snooze, and I actually RESET my alarm to ring after 9 minutes, and thus resumed my snooze schedule.

I need help.

Perhaps this would work for me. Then again, is it worth risking life and limb just to try to beat rush hour traffic? Because I also know that my level of coordination is directly related to my level of alertness.

And my room is messy, meaning that devil of an alarm clock would have countless places to hide. And I would start the morning pissed off, which is why I changed alarm clocks in the first place.

Hmmm, could the fact that I enjoy the snooze have anything to do with "sound" of the snooze? Quite possibly the sound of the babbling brook is lulling me back to sleep. Oh, you devious, devious machine.

Nature sounds alarm clock, I wish I could quit you!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Well Helllooo, Ladies!

My nephew is my new favorite thing. Check out the camo pacifier.

He was making faces when he was sleeping, and this just cracked me up!

Say it with me - "How you doin'?"

Oh No, 3-Oh!

I was sitting sideways on my couch, with my legs stretched out in front of me and crossed at the ankle. I had just done a self pedi and was looking at my cute toes (I swear, I’m not into feet, I just have some cute little piggies!), when I noticed something a little off.

Namely, my calves. They have cellulite. I didn’t even realize this was possible. And no, I will not be posting a picture.

Now, I'm a shapely lass, but I do have my attributes (ahem, meet The Girls). I gained the obligatory college weight, which I've managed to lose. Yay, Me! I don’t make noise when I wear cords anymore (I have this really sweet pair of pink ones, totally cool!).

Then I looked at my cords, and the reason they don’t make noise anymore is because the friction of my thighs has rubbed off the ridges. So. Not. Cool.
So OK, I'll just take the advice of a friend. Her motto is "Better Living Through Chemistry!" But then I find this article:
This was when I realize--F***! I’ve got to turn off the Alias and get my fatty calves off the couch! Because if the Wall Street Journal says cellulite creams don't work, then they probably don't work. And because I'm going to be 30 in a couple a months, and I AM NOT going to have cellulite calves in my 30's! (Just a note--This is as close to crisis as I will get about turning 30. I think 30 is going to totally rock!)

The funny thing is, the only thing that could distract me from this personal horror was watching a totally gory movie where people get eaten by cave-creatures! I think I would prefer being attacked by cave-creatures to working out.

Girlie Man

Somebody told me I should see this movie. Actually, she said, ‘I know you don’t like scary movies, but you need to see this scary movie!’ I’m not a fan of scary movies, and I really don’t like gory movies. The movie she was referring to is called The Decent, and yeah, there’s a lot of blood.
So, Sweets mentioned he wanted to see it, and volunteered to watch it with me in the bright light of day. So I found myself again watching a scary movie on Sunday.

And, as far as scary movies go, it was really good. I think what helped, is that he actually jumped higher than me at the really scary parts. And an adult male who sounds a little bit like a girl when he screams, can take the edge off a really terrifying movie.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Better, Faster, maybe not

So there is this guy that works for the building I work at downtown, and he looks like Kanye West.
Only, he is actually cuter than Kanye West. Seriously, this guy can put a smile on my face just by being within 20 feet.

And our first conversation takes place outside the ladies restroom, which is my luck as usual. He was doing some maintenance thing, and knocked on the door. And I'm all like, "Umm, Occupado!" Yeah, fur reel! That is what I said.

(And just an aside here--have you ever totally blanked when someone knocks on the bathroom door and your undies are at your knees, you are totally exposed and vulnerable? Well, I totally freeze every time. What is the appropriate response, I ask you? I usually flush the toilet.)

But wait! There's more! He was waiting out in the hall, and asked if there was anybody else in there. I said, "Nope, just me!" Crap! He saw my face! Now I will forever be the crazy 'Occupado!' girl from the 4th floor bathrooms.

So, for the rest of the day it's gonna be all, "Kanye West almost walked in on me in the bathroom!"

Yes, I do realize I've had more potty-room antics than usual lately. This is very troubling, maybe my feng shui is off.