Letter To A Douche

Dear Douchebag,

Don't ever call me "Nikita, as in La Femme Nikita" ever, ever again. It is not my name. It is not funny. I do not think it is cool. And no, I've never seen the movie, and really don't care that it's about female empowerment. Which, by the way, you Douche, it is not.

Yes, I do know how to take a compliment. If you say, "Nice pants," I will reply with "Thanks." If you tell me five fucking times in a single sentence that you like my pants, I will have to tell you to shut it.

Seriously, do not talk to me. Please, just don't. The next time you say something douche-worthy, I will post the address to the site where I found this photo. And encourage others to mock.

Sincerely,
Not Nikita, as in La Femme Nikita