I Would Have Peed My Pants (If I Had Been Wearing Any)

Let me just put this out there—I am afraid of the dark. Which, thinking about it is ironic, because I like the nightlife, baby. But fundamentally, it rubs me wrong. I need to know things, and you can’t know what’s in the dark. Because it’s, umm, dark. And scary.

Let me set the scene (que Humphrey Bogart noir voice-over):
-It’s 11:30pm Sunday night.
-I’ve been watching scary movies and knitting all day. (There are exactly two scenarios in which -I can watch scary movies—1. It’s a bright sun-shiny day and birdies are chirping, or 2. I have someone to watch them with me.)
-My roommate is in the process of moving out, ergo I am Home Alone.
-I have closed all the blinds (because ScaryDarkThings might be looking in) and turned on all the lights (so ScaryDarkThings can’t lurk in dark corners).
-I decide I’m finally ready for bed, and go to take a shower.

And this is when my entire block lost power.

I’m half-naked, in my bathroom, and the lights go out. Again, did I mention I’m afraid of the dark? And I had been watching scary movies all day. Alone.

I froze in attack position. It was like, instinctual or something. Then several thoughts hit me at once—
‘shit.’
‘clothes? Where are my clothes? I can’t look for a flashlight, in the dark, nekked!’ (by the way, I found my bra three days later on the kitchen counter. I seriously have no idea…)
‘maybe if I reach down and grab a kitty tail, they can lead me out of the bathroom, like Lassie or some shit’

I fumbled along the hallway (which by the way, I don’t remember that f***er being so long) to the kitchen hoping to find a lighter. Lucky for me, it was a full moon. But, out of my irrational fear of monsters, I had closed all the blinds (‘cause seriously, some dudes just found a Bigfoot carcass, that shit could be real and looking in my windows! http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2008/08/080818-bigfoot-dna.html ).

I managed to open the blinds, found a lighter wand, made my way to my bedroom and lit some candles. Yay, me!

An hour later, the power was back on and I had to leave the cave of protective blankies and turn off every light I had turned on ‘cause I am a big, fat, Chicken!

So, a few things I have learned—
I do not like living alone.
I would not make a good spy (insert appropriate sad smiley here).
Cats are not comforting in a crisis like this--they are super stealth, and have night vision.

But I’m not as big a chicken as I thought (the proof is the fact that I didn’t just drop into the fetal position on the bathroom floor!).